Ponn’s Personals:

Do You Have Regrets?

Interesting question, huh?

Okay…so, here I am free-handing this post right now as I contemplate this very question: Do I Regret X, Y and Z?

Ultimately, I am an extremely private person.

Yes, you have not seen my picture anywhere on anything I publish…and whenever I’m interviewed, I share a disclosure that this the pictures from my best-selling book is *not* representative of me…it’s 3 years old, I’ve aged greatly due to my partial paralysis and extremely difficult physically and emotionally wrenching years…and well, I *chose* to keep my privacy.

I am not ashamed nor purposefully trying to hide-anything. I think my avatar “Woman Power” speaks 100,000 words more about me, then my smiling/grinning face anyways…

I read my new-found online colleague Vince’s bio that really hit home with me this week, as I thought about sharing photos online…and well, I’m convinced–I will not (not just because he’s not…but because of my choice to remain private)!

I actually going to ask *not* to publish it…and started this weekend…I know it has already caused problems…but, oh well.

I make my choices, and sometimes I feel compelled to “explain myself”. But, why? To satisfy others’ needs to know.

Three years ago when I ventured online, I vowed *never* to show my 3 gorgeous girls on the internet, or my hunk of a hubby either.

Yet…I was pulled and pushed to follow the norm…to publish a picture to show my “personal-side”…as if my writing is not personal-enough.

Honestly, I appreciate many of my colleagues and online friends, even the founder himself, David for starting the “Face Behind the Blog” meme…(although Doris tagged me) (and Ed) but, this I can not ever nor am I willing to participate in this.

I feel as I share as much as I’m willing to share already, and that’s the self-therapy I create in writing my posts.

Often people ask…why don’t you share your struggles of how can you type if your hands are partially paralyzed? I take tons of drugs and force myself–period.

Life without writing/typing was down-right depressing!

Others ask, oh so many questions…that I politely share ways out…rather than being as straight-forward as I always known to be: Non-applicable, or No response.

Do I have regrets?

Well, up to recently, I’ve always gained from my mistakes and saw flaws or mistakes are an opportunity to better myself.

But, I’m torn now…because what if I make the same mistakes over and over and hurt those who mean the most in my life? What if forgiveness can only be given with a finite-end?

I always believe in direct-communication, and never use “what ifs”, so in my attempt to apologize I asked these questions…and well, I’ve already caused great pain to another/others.

After all, we–you and I, are faliable, mortal, and not-All Powerful! Only God is.

We have feelings, pain and suffering…and we can cause this upon others. Is this the final test of actually having a ‘regret’ in this lifetime!?

Very much so.

Am I just being too hard on myself?

No…because the signs are not just in one place…its multiplied and multi-facted right now. Can the words “Sorry” have dminished meaning now? Of course.

Can I overcome this time in my life–like all the other obstacles I’ve empowered and fought against all my odds?

The problem is…it involves others.

Even if I overcome my mistake…can the others forgive and overcome my mistakes, flaws and mis-deeds?

Unlike physical, neurological, emotional pain…I can only turn to prayer now. I pray that forgiveness rises me and others to the next level together–and not apart.

I know God is All Merciful and Forgiving…but humans are not, and we must only be patient with time. Hopefully my overall being bares weight to all that I’ve become as a woman, and I truly learn to learn from my mistakes–once and for all.

What’s my biggest flaw? My *Big* Passionate, Stubborn, Self-Defeating Mouth!

The Women’s Empowerment Queen seeking Empowerment from you… Any thoughts you can or willing to share are most welcomed.

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Posted on May 27th, 2007 by Ponn Sabra
Filed under: Empowerment